Those City fans who remember the fag end of the Terry Dolan era will recall the ‘Martin Fish, Accountant’ song, directed at the hapless chairman who presided over such a depressing period of the club’s history.
So it was with interest that a rewritten version pinged into my SMS inbox, which goes as follows: “Duffen’s a media mogul, he wears a mogul’s hat. He cooks the books at City, he is a lying ****. The club is nearly bankrupt, won 2 in 33. But Duffen says ‘it’s not my fault, just blame the fans not me’.” You can view this merely as a fairly amusing pastiche – well I guffawed anyway. But you could draw parallels between the blind loyalty shown by Fish to Dolan and the current cosiness between Duffen to Brown. For tonight Duffen has called any City fans who want Brown to be sacked ‘pathetic’ and ‘despicable’. Now I’m torn between both Brown arguments: Most successful manager ever who deserves more time Vs presiding over a Derby-esque run with no end in sight. Some friends are virulently in the Brown Out camp; most veer between both points of view. But all accept that it’s fair to criticise someone who has consistently failed for nearly 12 months. Unfortunately, Duffen doesn’t agree, demanding blind loyalty. To label Brown’s critics ‘despicable’, many of whom have been watching City home and away for decades before Duffen even knew we existed, will only intensify the rift between the management and the fans. Another own goal.September 6, 2009
Which out-of-contract player Hull City should sign
After the signing of strapping free transfer Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink, Phil Brown was quoted as saying he’s considering one or two other unattached players. But who should we go for?
We don’t need another forward now. We have enough ‘big man’ strikers (Altidore, Vennegoor of Hesselink, Fagan, Folan) and the little fellas to play off him (Ghilas, Geovanni, Barmby). There’s enough flexibility to pair up two of the hulks with one of the ball players dropping into midfield.
If swine flu ruled those seven out, we could card Featherstone and Garcia up top with Cousin stepping up to bench-warming duties.
Midfield is a weak point, though. Dietmar Hamman may be worth a look to check if he can plug the gap left by Ashbee’s injury. Boateng tries and succeeds sometimes; Marney and Olofinjana are not that type of player.
The right side of midfield also looks sketchy. Ghilas and Fagan can play there but neither are wingers. Former Everton player Andy van der Meijde is available and will presumably have dinked a few balls in for Jan Vennegoor of Hesselink in matches for The Netherlands over the years.
If we need full-back cover then Lauren and Lucas Neill are still without clubs. However, my own top tip, for what it’s worth, would be Michael Ball, released by Manchester City this summer.
He’s still only 29 and plays primarily at left-back but also in the middle. Most importantly he’s a nasty bastard and was vice-captain at Middle Eastlands last season, so he could give us the leadership that’s lacking without Ash in there.
He also has international experience – he possesses one more England cap than Michael Turner ever will and he represented Britain in the Eurovision Song Contest in 1992, finishing second.
Finally, he ticks the most important box in the checklist for Hull City signings – he’s had some long-term knee injuries during his career.
What’s not to love about all that?
July 15, 2009
Capacity of KC Stadium ‘to be reduced’
THE capacity of Hull City’s KC Stadium may be reduced for the club’s upcoming second Premier League season, chairman Paul Duffen has today confirmed.
Up to 300 seats may need to be removed from the council-owned superstadium after the Tigers agreed a £5million fee with Fulham for striker Bobby Zamora.
Speaking from his yacht in the south of France, Duffen said: “Stadium manager John Cooper has met with Hull City Council and Humberside Police to discuss the signing of Bobby.
“They have told him that, should the deal go through, Row Z in the North and South Stands will no longer be safe for fans to sit on for health and safety reasons.
“However, farmers near our Cottingham training ground can continue to sleep easy, knowing their barn doors will remain undamaged by our footballs and their cows’ arses will not be troubled by banjos.”
If Zamora does sign for the club, Duffen has reassured fans with season tickets in the affected areas they will be placed in a draw for the chance to win a ticket for elsewhere in the ground.
Speaking from his spray tan booth, Hull City manager Phil Brown said: “You know me, I never comment on any signings until the deal is signed, sealed and delivered.”
June 29, 2009
Hull City song on YouTube
If you’re bored over the summer, you might be constantly searching YouTube for Tiger tidbits. Oh? Just me then.
Here’s a Hull City song, Listen To The Tigers Roar, which I’d not heard until today by local band My Friend Stan.
June 9, 2009
Relive that Phil Brown karaoke
Some football fans didn’t appreciate Phil Brown’s karaoke show on the pitch after the Manchester United game – and not just for the bum notes.
Those fans forget that football is supposed to be about entertainment, and that’s one thing this topsy-turvy season has provided in bucketloads.
So, to fill that void in your life marked ‘close season’, here’s that YouTube clip of Browny crooning.
Let other teams’ fans sneer if they want – they would kill to have had a season like ours.
June 8, 2009
Watch all Hull City’s Premier League goals
For most teams, a video featuring every goal they’ve scored in the top flight would take days to watch.
For success-shy Hull City, you can just feast your eyes on this six and a half minute YouTube posting.
May 28, 2009
From Boothery to Wembley
I hope the seller of this t-shirt on eBay hasn’t printed hundreds of them…
If so, they’d better buy a black marker pen.
May 26, 2009
Hull City’s season in numbers
The Mirror today listed some interesting records claimed by the Tigers this season – some wanted others unwanted:
10 – the number of corners from which we scored
12 – the number of corners from which we conceded
29 – the number of times the opposition hit the woodwork against us.
51 – the percentage of goals we scored from set-pieces.
141 – the number of times we were flagged offside
566 – the number of fouls we committed
Of course they missed the most important numbers:
1 – the number of Yorkshire teams in the Premier League
2 – the number of divisions we’re above Leeds United
May 26, 2009
We are the pride of all Yorkshire
Is Middlesbrough in Yorkshire? Who cares any more?
After the Smog Monsters’ relegation, the debate over whether they’re a rubbish Yorkshire side (as they were seen traditionally) or a rubbish North Eastern side (as they are happy to be portrayed nowadays) becomes irrelevant.
And with a woeful Sheffield United falling well short of Premier League quality in the play-off final yesterday, it confirms what everyone has alway known in their hearts anyway – Hull City is Yorkshire’s finest team.
* The best league team in Yorkshire (17th in the Premier League).
* The best FA Cup team in Yorkshire (quarter finalists).
* The best reserves team in Yorkshire (9th in the Reserves Premier League North).
* The best youth team in Yorkshire (2nd in North East Youth Alliance).
No Yorkshire team fared better in any of these competitions.
And with Hull Kingston Rovers currently the county’s top Rugby League side, who can argue that Hull is the sporting capital of Yorkshire?
May 15, 2009
Let’s Kick Leeds Out Of Football
The city of Hull – and just about every other conurbation in the Western Hemisphere – celebrated long into the night as Leeds United lost in the Division Three play-offs last night.
If you need reminding why Leeds are despised by every other set of fans, just take a look at this picture from last night’s game from the Yorkshire Evening Post website.
Leeds - the family club
During the game Millwall’s goalkeeper was struck by a coin, while afterwards hundreds of Leeds fans rampaged through the city.
This comes after the club went unpunished for the thuggish pitch invasion during the game on the day they were relegated from the Championship. (‘Super Deano, he sent the Leeds down’).
Not to mention the way they tried to squirm their way out of punishment for going into administration.
Just what will it take for the authorities to finally kick Leeds out of football?
