Leeds United set to boost local economy

The West Yorkshire economy is set for a massive boost over the next few months – and it’s all thanks to a third division football team.

For the last two years, the staff of Leeds United have suffered a collective bout of choking. The symptoms usually begin in spring time, when the previously calm and healthy players suddenly start to choke uncontrollably, resulting in a freefall down the league table.

Elland Road officials are particularly worried as this year the choking began in January, putting even their customary division three play-off adventure in doubt.

So now the club – currently ranked the seventh best in Yorkshire – has taken a dozen paramedics off the dole queue to tackle the latest epidemic.

Meanwhile, the city’s supermarkets have stocked up with bulk supplies of Klennex to cope with the imminent demand from fans wiping away tears from their painted faces after their annual Wembley disappointment.

And bookshops in Leeds have ordered in more stocks of A-Z travel guides to Accrington, Chesterfield and Rochdale, so that the Whites fans can navigate their way to games next season.

Leeds United officials were unavailable for comment as, like all Wessies, they are all on Withernsea beach the moment there’s a drop of sunlight.

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